You smell like stripper and shame
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My feet surprised me
You did what with his pubic hair?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
