I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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