Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
