Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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