Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she looked like the before picture.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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