I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
