he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
