My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
