I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
