I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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