my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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