Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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