you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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