I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize