lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
