I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
