"it" just moved
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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