Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
