so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
