I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
