One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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