Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
