I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
