Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
wakey wakey hands off snakey
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Randomize
