she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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