Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
sex in a hospital.. check
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
