if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
