Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
