whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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