And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Someone came in the potted fern
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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