I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
