why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
