If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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