Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
