smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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