she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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