I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
