I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
ugly people sure do ruin things
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
