At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
