Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
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plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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