it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
