why didn't you poke me back
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
