i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
50% drunk capacity currently
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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