i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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