your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
