i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I touched a dick in church today
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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