Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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