Say something about gay babies.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
