We're like a lot better than the average bears
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
