I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
