Jerry, you need to find god
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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