you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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