Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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