I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
