too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
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Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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