I heard we made out
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
