Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I am mentally ready for anal.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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