I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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