READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
