So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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