Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
