I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
