My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You can't motorboat a personality
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
