just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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