you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
