I am in a vortex of obligation.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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