Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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