i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
