It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
