Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
