Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
