I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
