I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
