Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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