well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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