No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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