Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
