I accidentally had phone sex last night
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
don't judge my taste in strippers
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
