I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
