we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
