You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
