singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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