i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
