please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
