Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
